System Shock
by Freethinker037
Summary: It's been months sinces Shepard's disappearance. The galaxy is rebuilding and the Reapers have left. Is Shepard really gone? Where did she go? How is the Normandy crew dealing with this? Who's that strange man stuck in the middle? Find out right here. Post-control continuation. Contains spoilers. UNDERGOING FULL REWRITE.
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

(4 months After Reapers' retreat)

"Welcome to Alliance News Network. I'm Emily Wong."

"in tonight's news: Reaper sighting in the Minos Wasteland, rumors of council invitations to all species, mass memorial service in planning, SSV Normandy found and galaxy wide search is declared."

"Breaking news: A Sovereign-class Reaper has been sighted within the Fortis system of the Minos Wasteland. Apparently, the lone reaper was instrumental in the rescue of a civilian transporter, The Sirtona, from an ambush by a pirate fleet. Crew and passengers on-board the Sirtona did not know what to make of this shocking incident, only that the Reaper decimated the entire hostile fleet and disappeared as quickly as it first appeared. Could the Reapers have joined the good guys or is there a darker meaning to this event? This is the only known sighting since their exodus two months ago. The council has pledged a full investigation."

"In political news: rumors have been leaked that the council may be planning to invite all known species who took part in the final battle, four months ago, at Earth. Council members refuse to comment in light of this rumor but public reactions show an inclination in favor of the possibilities, with many stating that all species took part in that battle and, therefor, all species have earned a seat in the council. A council spokesman had this to say: "I cannot confirm nor deny the rumors that have come to surface on this topic as all council dealings are currently classified." We will follow this story as it develops."

"The Council have recently announced that a mass memorial service is being planned to commemorate those who have fallen to the Reapers' merciless rampage during the duration of the Reaper war, as well as the unsung heroes who's actions and sacrifices saved the lives of many innocents who came perilously close to death. Service planners are predicting a day long event that will help bring closure for many people who have lost someone to the Reapers. The memorial will be held on the presidium and all will be allowed to attend."

"The SSV Normandy has been found! After the disappearance of the Famous ship that has proved instrumental in the war's victory, many believed that the ship was destroyed by the Crucible's activation as all attempts of communication during the month after the repair of the comm buoys have failed. Crew members aboard have survived their ordeal as the ship attempted to retreat to a fallback location issued by Admiral Hacket of the Alliance Navy at the moment of the crucible's activation, but failed to outrun the initial blast despite traveling at FTL speeds. The blast forced the Normandy down on an uncharted planet at an undiscovered system within the Sol cluster. Though close to home, the ship was unable to travel at FTL due to damages caused by the rough landing, thus the four month long disappearance. All crew members have been accounted for save for Commander Shepard. Acting Captain Major Kaidan Alenko refused to comment.

"In light of the Commander's disappearance, the Council has pledged a galaxy wide search party in order to locate the first human spectre who's selfless actions saved the galaxy and all within from total annihilation by the Reapers' hands. It is confirmed that many species will be taking part in order to find the honored war hero. The Alliance have issued a reward for anyone who has any legitimate information about Commander Shepard's location with false information leading to immediate incarceration. An Alliance spokesman had this to say: "We will not stop until the Commander has been located and is safe and sound. Evidence show that Shepard's last signal emanated from somewhere on the Citadel. Search efforts will be mainly focused on and around the Citadel and Earth as well as the immediate surrounding clusters." Many people are wondering if history maybe repeating itself and that the Commander maybe in hiding instead of missing. Should this be the case, people are urging the Commander to come out of hiding; to not put the people who cared about her through the same ordeal as they had three years ago. We will follow this story as it further develops."

"That is the end of the news. Thank you for tuning in to Alliance News Network. This is Emily Wong Signing out. Stay safe, stay strong."

* * *

2.41.35.481...ANOMALY DETECTED.

2.41.35.502...SCANNING.

2.41.35.574...SCAN COMPLETE.

2.41.35.662...REPORT: ABNORMAL FLUCTUATION DETECTED IN SYSTEM CORE. ATTEMPTING ISOLATION.

2.41.35.859...PROCESSING...ISOLATION ATTEMPT FAILED.

2.41.36.002...REASSESING...ASSESMENT COMPLETE.

2.41.36.270...ANOMALY BEYOND CONVENTIONAL CLASSIFICATION. SCANS REPORT DATA ERROR.

2.41.36.833...RESETING ISOLATION PARAMETERS.

2.41.38.051...PARAMATERS SET. REATTEMPTING ISOLATION.

2.41.38.163...PROCESSING...ISOLATION ATTEMPT FAILED.

2.41.38.417...ISOLATING SYSTEMS FROM ANOMALY...COMPLETE.

2.41.38.578...RESCANING ANOMALY SIGNATURE.

2.41.39.989...SCAN COMPLETE. REASSESING.

2.41.41.223...ASSESMENT COMPLETE. REPORT: ENERGY SIGNATURE BARES NO DIGITAL MARKER. SCANS INDICATE ENERGY IS SIMILAR TO ENERGY SCANNED DURING ACTIVATION OF DEVICE-X451/63.2. SIGNATURE BEYOND SYSTEM PROCESSING CAPABILITIES. REASSESMENT OF CURRENT SITUATION REQUIRES SEPERATE NETWORK TO HOUSE ANOMALY. SOFTWARE LIMITATIONS PREVENT INTERFACEING.

2.41.41.871...SCANING FOR NETWORK SPECIFICATIONS.

2.41.44.123...SCAN COMPLETE.

2.41.44.212...REPORT: NETWORK CREATION REQUIRES TEMPORARY SHUTDOWN OF STATION SYSTEMS TO FACILITATE PROCESSING POWER REQUIRED. KEEPERS NOTIFIED.

2.41.44.454...PREPARING FOR TEMPORARY STATION-WIDE DEACTIVATION.

2.42.05.111...SYSTEMS: READY. BACK-UP SYSTEMS: READY. KEEPERS: READY.

2.42.05.256...SHUT-DOWN BEGUN. NETWORK CREATION IN PROGRESS.

2.42.10.000...NETWORK COMPLETE. REINITIALIZING SYSTEMS. KEEPERS RETURNING TO PREVIOUS DUTIES.

2.42.12.030...IMPLEMENTING NETWORK.

2.42.12.541...ISOLATION IN PROGRESS...WARNING: ANOMALY EXCEEDING NETWORK BANDWIDTH. COMPENSATING.

2.42.13.717...ISOLATION COMPLETE. ANOMALY SECURE. SYSTEMS RETURNING TO PRE-ANOMALY LEVELS.

2.42.14.009...COMENCING STATION-WIDE SCAN.

2.42.14.158...SCAN COMPLETE.

2.42.14.205...NO CASUALTIES DETECTED. NO DAMAGE DETECTED. POPULATION SECURE. CURRENT POPLACE STATE: SHOCKED. ASSESMENT: WILL RETURN TO NORMAL. FURTHER ANALYSIS OF ANOMALY NECESSARY.

* * *

**A.N.: This is it. The reason I started posting on . I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. As you can probably tell, this is the set up for the actual story. Follow if you want to read the next chapter. Now it begins...**


	2. The Blade Runner

**A.N.: This chapter has been reedited. Some parts sounded cheesy as heck so changed them to avoid problems.**

* * *

**The Blade Runner**

(7 months after Reaper's retreat)

"So how are you feeling? Better? Worse? Or you're favorite, "Not as good as last week?""

He hazarded a peek from where he had his head buried in his arms at the desk. The glare he sent her did nothing but answer her question...as it did last week, and the week before. "Not as good as last week it is then." she said with a sigh as he reburied his head in his arms, hoping that if he did so, his headache will recede. Just as last week and the week before, it didn't. Frankly, he was getting fed-up with this weekly routine. He turned his head to one side to stare out the window to the view beyond. It was a bright and sunny day, but unlike the headache and the doctor's questions, this was the case everyday. It tends to be like that on the Presidium, sunny and bright 24/7. It's not really a problem for him; indeed, he actually enjoys it. The problem is that it's all fake. It's trying to hide all traces of the war. To give people a place to escape to, to try and forget what happened. To create the illusion that all is well in the galaxy.

Lt. Commander Alex Cross found no escape here.

Frustrated, he shot up off his chair and marched to the couch. The doctor did not react to his sudden action because, yet again, he did he same thing last week and the week before. The soft cushions and cool surface of the vinyl couch was beyond inviting. Alex just let him self sink in to the large cushions and reveled in the cool touch of the old-style vinyl surface, instantly feeling calmer and more relaxed than he did when he woke up that morning. He sighed in satisfaction which, unfortunately, triggered the next part of his visit. The doctor stood up and joined him. Invading his momentary bubble of peace, she sat down on an adjacent chair that matches the couch while he prepared for her next question. Brushing her long, dark brown hair back behind her head, she leaned on her knees with her arms folded in front of her, took a datapad in one hand, gave Alex her full attention, and asked the question...as she did last week and the week before.

"How are the dreams?" Asked Dr. Torres with genuine worry and sympathy in her voice.

The Dreams. More like nightmares. It's what's been troubling him since that damn crucible activated and ended the war. The dreams have been the bane of his existence for the past seven months. Each dream happens at random, with no way to control them or predict when they happen. Only that each dream is just as intense and relentless as the last and each is based on the same thing. The Battle of Earth. The grand finale of the Reaper war. The Galaxy's last stand against the Reaper invaders. Each dream shows a part of what happened that day but not through his own perspective. No, he was stuck on earth when the Reapers hit. The dreams show him as a hammer squad soldier, not part of the resistance like he was. This was one of the luckier ones who escaped the initial attack. Something was off, though. Alex just can't put his finger on it. In the first dream, he was/they were only joined by two others soldiers, both human. He was/they were still surrounded by gunfire though. That much was evident. The rest though is an intense blur. Difficult to remember and recall. The only thing that had any clarity to it at all was the armor he/the soldier was wearing. Even then, he rarely got a glimpse of it. It certainly wasn't his size.

"Alex?" He was pulled out of his train of thought by Dr. Torres' smooth, inquiring voice "Has there been any sort of development with your dreams?"

There has actually. NOT like last week or the week before.

"Yeah. I think there is" Said Alex for the first time in the last half-hour.

"Really?" Replied the doctor with intrigue "Would you like to tell me?"

"Yeah, I do." He took a moment to take a deep breath and collect his thoughts before beginning. "I think each dream's connected, like one long vid. Although I get occasional er...'reruns', I am starting to remember things I see when they happen. Land Marks, specific moments, enemies...each new dream is continuing from the last and is leading up to something. What that is, I don't know...yet. But I've got a feeling I will soon enough." Alex finished while Dr. Torres looked at him with a thoughtful expression for a few moments before speaking.

"And what do you think will happen when your dreams reach this supposed climax?" She asked.

"I don't know" replied Alex "If I'm lucky, these dreams will end and I can go back to a normal life. If I'm not, then it will lead to something else entirely."

"That's definitely a breakthrough. Normally, a PTSD victim wouldn't have dreams that are connected like yours seem to be. This is definitely new to me. Needless to say, I'm intrigued." Dr. Torres was clearly enthusiastic. Of what he told her or of the progress he's making, Alex wasn't sure. All he wants is to get some sleep without bad dreams and without "herbal assistance" as he likes to refer to it.

The doctor was still taking notes as she asked the rest of the same questions from last week and the week before. 'Back to business' thought Alex, annoyed.

"How are your trips back to Earth?" At least they're almost done.

"Never easy. Everywhere I look, I see something that reminds me of the war. But I think I'm getting better at coping. It ain't my first brush with PTSD." Dr. Torres brought up his bio on her omnitool at that last part. "Indeed, your record states that you suffered from PTSD after the Blitz, but managed to recover quite quickly." stated the doctor, clearly sounding impressed. Alex just shrugged.

"How are you feeling when you're out and about?" Alex just raised an eyebrow at the Doc who rolled her eyes and came out with it. "Fine, are you still carrying your blades around?" Alex just lifted both arms and deployed his military-grade omni-blades. Dr. Torres wasn't too thrilled at the site of the blades because she thinks he's being paranoid.

What the doctor doesn't realize is that it has nothing to do with the PTSD. It's a state-of-mind Alex developed during his time in Seattle back on Earth. The orphanage that took him in was a decent place and so was the neighborhood but as he grew older, he started to feel like an outcast; out of place. What does a young kid do when he feels out of place? He starts searching for a place he could fit in. Inevitably, his searches led him from Oregon, where he was from, to the state of Washington and further down dark paths that he struggled with.

That's where Alex spent the rest of his pre-adult life. He grew up around gangs but never joined any despite the connections he had with some of them. During those few years, Alex learned how to survive on the streets; learning how to fight and defend himself, how to keep his head down. During those times he was also introduced to the sport known as Parkour. Alex Picked up on it, and after a year of practicing, he was flying from rooftop to rooftop and clearing ledges and gaps with the best of them. It also came in handy during fights; using his environment to his advantage. That's how he survived for as long as he did during his time on the streets.

Finally, the Doc decides to fire off the last set of questions:

"Are you taking your prescriptions?"

"No."

"Any anti-depressants?"

"No."

"Pain Killers?"

"No."

"Any sort of pharmaceuticals?"

"No."

All the same Q&amp;As from last week, and the week before.

"What about herbal?"

Hello...

"What about it?"

"Are you taking anything herbal?" she asked suspiciously.

The look in Dr. Torres' eyes told him that she knew more than she was letting on.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Old habit from Seattle." He answered. "I quit since enlisting, but the dreams got so intense, I relapsed while looking for a reprieve. Sometimes it the only way I can get some sleep."

Dr. Torres looked a little worried at his confession. "You're not sleeping?"

"Not as well as I should be. The dreams make it hard for me to grab any shuteye. Sometimes, I wake up sweating and my heart beating, and still feel no less tired than I did when I first went to bed. Since I started doing herbal again, I've been sleeping better. I'm still having the dreams but at least I'm getting my eight hours. It helps, doc, it helps a lot." Alex rubbed his temple with one hand as he tried to ease the headache. He had to admit, that it felt good to tell someone about it. Growing up, there were few people he could trust with this sort of info.

Dr. Torres had long abandoned her datapad on the end table. She decided it best to exercise their doctor-patient confidentiality with this. "I'm sorry to hear that." she said sympathetically, "I'll make sure your secret is safe with me."

Alex just waved her off. "Thanks, doc, but don't worry your self about it." She nodded.

"Well, just be careful." She said, "Things can go very wrong, very quickly, especially when it comes to drugs."

"So true" Alex thought out loud.

Dr. Torres contemplated him for a moment before dismissing for the day.

"I'm guessing you're not clearing for active duty, yet?"

"Nope." She answered him with a confident and friendly smile. Alex just laughed and went to grab his jacket off the rack by the door.

Just as he was about to step out... "I don't think it's a good idea for you to walk around the citadel with a bag of _contraband_ sticking out of your pocket." Alex froze on the spot. He could feel her staring at him from her perch on the chair. Without looking, he reached for the right pocket of his jeans and felt the soft edges of the plastic bag carrying his small stash of 'good' sticking out. With a quiet "Damn." he pushes the bag back in and continues out of the office, while the doctor laughs quietly a him. His ears burned with embarrassment. To tell someone is one thing, but for them to catch you holding is a big No-No. Alex is scolding himself on this screw-up. Good thing he already told her he smokes at night.

As he steps out of Dr. Torres' office, he gets hit by the artificial sunlight and the cool breeze of the presidium. He takes a moment to take in the view. 'Always goddamn sunny.' Taking in a deep breath, he made sure his stash is secured, donned his headset, queued his playlist on his omnitool and began the long walk back to his apartment.

Just another day of putting one foot in front of the other...

…...Another day of living.

* * *

'You're exactly what I need right now, Kaidan...I Love You...'

'When this is all over, I'll be waiting for you...you better show up...'

'Know that whatever happens, I will always love you...'

Those three sentences have been haunting Kaidan's thoughts since he first placed her name on the memorial wall. It's been seven months since anyone has last heard from her. Her last signal was received from somewhere on the Presidium. Admiral Hackett was the last to contact her and he said she sounded hurt...bad. The search has been going on for the past three months and Shepard's been missing for four months before that. By now, everyone looking has resigned to her not being among the living anymore. So now everyone still searching is trying to find her body, so that she can be put to rest. Only a hand full of people are still holding on to the hope that she may still be alive, the most notable being Conrad Verner. Kaidan used to be firmly in that wheel house but even he was beginning to realize, Cerberus were the ones who brought Shepard back before. But they're gone now. There's no one out there who could bring her back. Not even Liara and her Shadow Broker Network can find the faintest traces of her. Shepard is gone for good this time and Kaidan is slowly realizing that.

Whenever someone calls in any information, he always volunteers to confirm it. Fueled by desperate hope, he would follow up the information so thoroughly, it would make a salarian think twice. Sadly, nothing ever turns up and every dismissal tosses more sand at the hope burning inside him. Soon, there will be nothing left for him except ashes.

Now he's following up another such lead. Someone on the Citadel contacted the Alliance, saying that they may have found Shepard's body. Shepard's body. It's been confirmed that she's dead as the report states that the body had seen severe burn trauma. While on his way to Huerta Memorial hospital in Joker's new skycar, Kaidan is afraid to discover that the chard mess they may have found is really Shepard. He doesn't think he can stomach it if it was, but he has to, if he ever wants to get the chance to say goodbye.

"You okay, man?" Asked a worried voice in the driver's seat.

Kaidan turned his head to look at Joker who offered to come with him and support him through this nerve racking and heart breaking follow-up. Joker was like a brother to him and Shepard. Despite his jokes and sarcasm, they could always rely on the pilot to get them out of trouble. It's no surprise that he's just as desperate to find Shepard as Kaidan is but the difference was that Joker wasn't delusional like he was. Joker is more realistic about this than anyone else from the Normandy (Except for Javik). He knows it entirely possible that the cadaver maybe Shepard, no matter how unsettling the thought is.

"No, I'm not." Replied Kaidan, exhausted "We're on our way to check out a stiff that may just be Shepard and..."

"It won't be Shepard." Joker said with certainty. Kaidan isn't impressed by the pilot's claim.

"Forgive me if I'm not reassured." Kaidan retorted sarcastically. "And how do you know?" He asked skeptically.

"I can just tell. Call it woman's intuition." Joker replied cooly. Kaidan just rolled his eyes and resumed his melancholic pondering...

"Listen..."

….or so he did.

"I know this follow-up is a catch-22; If it really is Shepard, then she's dead. If not, then she's still missing. I get that. The thing is you're driving your self crazy about it. Normally, I condone that kind of thing. HELL, go ape-shit if you want, but you're reaching a level not to be approached by anyone and alarms are going off!"

Kaidan leveled the pilot with an annoyed look, "At least I'm not redecorating the interior with hint-of-puke. Besides, you know as well as the rest of the crew, better actually, what Shepard means to me. You know she's the only one who ever makes me feel whole...who gives me peace."

Joker grabbed Kaidan's shoulder in a friendly gesture before replying, "I know, oh man, do I know! And I thank you for not redoing my interior with throw-up. I doubt it will match the car, and it'll probably...you know, be gross, and stink. It just wouldn't work, dude." Joker let go of him with a smile. Kaidan can't help but chuckle at his friend's remark. It didn't help his mood much, but he was at least now able to relax a little, being able to enjoy the comfort from the leather seats of Joker's brand new Blackout, which he got at a steal thanks to the regrowing economy. Black-Black with all options minus the cargo opts.

'No wonder the economy's regrowing so quick,' Kaidan thought, 'everyone's getting the expensive stuff while it's still cheap, just like joker.' Kaidan smiled at this thought. All too soon, though, his thoughts fell back to Shepard.

Kaidan desperately misses the redhead in question. A woman like no other. A true hero, and the greatest example of a human the Galaxy has ever seen. A natural born leader who can win the hearts and minds of many, a compassionate person who cares for everyone's sake, a role-model who can bring out the best in even the worst the galaxy has to offer, a soldier who will step up to protect the innocent when no one else would, a true hero who's main weapon isn't a gun but negotiation tactics to make peace and avoid unwarranted blood shed, but to Kaidan, she was more. To Kaidan, she wasn't Commander Shepard, she was Katherine Shepard. An intelligent woman with a heart of pure gold and a knack for battle. A real lady of immeasurable beauty and charm. A woman of modesty and a strong moral sense. A person with a strong spirit and a generous soul. His beloved who shows nothing but unconditional love towards him.

Kaidan loves her with all his heart. To him there is no one else. She is how he described her and Rahna to be: Smart and Charming as hell, and beautiful but not stuck up about it. The difference between Rahna and her is that Shepard understands him. She listened to his story and didn't judge or criticize him. She gave him exactly what he needed: a shoulder to lean on. He returned the favor in kind when he finally got her to open up as well. He was there to comfort her when she told him about her regrets of being a part of the Tenth Street Reds back on Earth. He gave gave her the same supporting shoulder she gave him. There affection for each other was confirmed after that.

By now, his mood has long soured.

He misses her.

Joker noticed his decline, "Come on, man. Cheer up, will y..." He was cut off by Kaidan's agitation boiling over.

"What the hell do you want me to do about it, Joker!? I can't just stop worrying, or stop caring, or stop loving her! She means the world to me! I can't just accept that she maybe permanently gone this time!" His vision begins to blur, "I just can't..." he ended quietly. He slams his eyelids shut hard to stop any tears from falling. "This Jane Doe maybe our last chance. Word from command is that they might call off the search." Kaidan said defeated while rubbing his temple. He can feel a migraine building up.

Joker just looked at him with sympathy. "No wonder you're so wound tight about this one. Hackett's giving up. Can't say I blame him."

"Neither can I." replied Kaidan.

The two officers and close friends settled into a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip towards Huerta Memorial where their query lies waiting inside a body bag.


	3. The Lost

**A.N.: So far, so good. Things are coming out better than I first thought. Let's see how this goes. Don't forget to leave a review. Relax and Enjoy...**

* * *

**The Lost**

"Major, Lieutenant. Here we go again, eh?"

Kaidan and Joker were greeted by Commander Bailey as soon as they were off the elevator. He looked less than enthused about the current situation as the two marines and it is well warranted. Every time there was a lead on the Citadel about Commander Shepard, the news always picks up on it, and every time there's a mob of them swarming the location like flies on carcass. That's why Commander Bailey is always there with a group of C-Sec officers holding them back so Kaidan can go in and validate the information without getting swarmed.

The three men shook hands and got straight down to brass tax.

"Hey, Bailey. Where are the reporters?" Kaidan was not looking forward to this; not one bit.

"Around the corner and down the hall from the morgue. There's a route through some offices beyond that door over there." Bailey raises an arm towards a door to Kaidan's and Joker's left. "Private Teranous will lead you there. It's the best route to avoid being seen by those damned vultures and their bullshit questions." He waves over a turian officer who was standing by the door he just pointed out.

"Sirs." The officer snapped a salute and stood at attention. "I'll be escorting you around the reporters towards the morgue and to make sure there's no trouble along the way." He said with a confident tone and a determined look. He certainly left a good impression on Kaidan.

"Much Appreciated." Kaidan turns back to Bailey, "Shouldn't take long. We'll be back soon." He turns towards the door and the three men head off towards the morgue and the moment both Joker and Kaidan have been dreading the whole trip here. The door lead to an office which had another door on an adjacent wall on the far end of the room. That door lead them to another hallway which stretched for a good bit. One side of the hall was entirely made up of large floor-to-ceiling windows all the way to the far end, which gave a beautiful view of the Presidium. Kaidan and Joker, however, were too busy dealing with the butterflies in their stomachs to notice. They're scared the body really is Shepard's. Even though they knew that if it wasn't, then she's still missing, they were hoping, praying that that was the case, because then there's still that microscopic chance they might find her alive.

They rounded a corner and and began to hear the commotion of the reporters who were waiting for there chance at a scoop. As they approached the corner the reporters were undoubtedly behind, the C-Sec officer turned into another office that ran parallel to the hallway. It would hide them as they crossed towards the morgue. As they came to the opposite door, the three men stopped when the saw a young woman leaning on the wall next to the door. She wasn't wearing scrubs so she clearly wasn't an employee of the hospital. To Kaidan and joker, however, the white dress and dark hair were a familiar sight to them. The only oddity is that she didn't have her camera with her.

"Ma'am, this is a restricted area. I'm gonna have to ask y..." The officer Teranous trailed off when Kaidan approached him with his hand up.

"Stand down, private. She's with us." The officer nodded and stepped aside as Diana Allers walked up with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Major Alenko. It's good to see you again. How's it going, Moreau?" Allers greeted the two men with a genuine yet sad smile.

"Hey Allers. Doing alright. What are you doing here, though?" Joker replied to her with sincerity as well as a hint of confusion.

"I heard about the body they brought in and I couldn't help myself. I had to find out if the rumors are true or not. I owe Shepard a lot. Because of her, Bekenstein still survives. My homeworld was saved just in the nick of time thanks to her. That's why I'm here; to say my thanks as well as goodbyes..." Allers' voice went quiet at the end before she added "And I know what you're thinking; she's a reporter. She's using her relationship she has with the crew to try and grab exclusive footage. I promise you, though. My reason for being here is genuine. She was there for me when I found out that Bekenstein was hit. She helped me keep it together. I owe her a lot for that. I also promised her a Bekenstein Wake. She at least deserves that much, and bringing a camera felt like disrespecting the woman who made sure that we're all standing here today." Diana finished with tears in her eyes as she lowered her head. She was only on the Normandy for the duration of the war as a civilian, but even then. Shepard touched her heart like she touched everybody else's. That's one of the things that drew Kaidan to Shepard in the first place. She was charming and compassionate and loved by all. There's not a dry eye in the galaxy for the missing Commander. Anyone who knew her would feel the void left by her presence.

Kaidan was touched by Allers' little speech. He looked at Joker who nodded his agreement that she does seem genuine. Joker took a step forward and addressed the grieving woman with sympathy. "Alright, Diana. You can come along." Her smile was radiant and dripping with gratitude as her head shot up at the pilot's words. "But fair warning. The body's a mess. If you can't handle it then you're better off not coming in." Allers nodded her agreement with a look of determination. She knows that the sight will be gruesome, but her dedication to the Commander was as clear as day. She cared about Shepard as much as everyone else. At this point, she wasn't a reporter, she was a member of the crew. Clearly, Kaidan and Joker were impressed by her resolve. She's got more spunk than they originally thought. They called over Teranous who was waiting patiently to one side and the small posse of four proceeded through the last door and found themselves face to face with the door to the Huerta Memorial Mortuary.

"By the way, how did you know where to find us?" Asked Joker, unable to hold back the question that was itching at his stubble.

"This was the only other route that those dogs weren't guarding." Diana replied coolly with a hint of pride in her voice. "I have a friend who got me access to the offices and a map of the floor."

The woman was resourceful, the others had to admit.

"I'll be waiting outside, sir. I'm under orders to give you privacy until you're ready to leave. A technician is inside. She'll assist you with anything you may need." The officer stood to the side of the door and saluted. Kaidan thanked him as he stepped back, allowing the three humans to enter. They took a moment to steel themselves before Joker hit the lock and the door slid open to a chill.

The morgue was huge; an entire wing in itself. The dead lay covered on many an examination table and even more were occupying the numerous cold chambers that lined the room from ceiling to floor. Each wall had a retrieval system that brought up any slab punched into the command consoles. The room had a chill to it due to the refrigeration required to keep the all the bodies from decomposing inside the chambers. The dimmed lighting cast the room in an ominous glow. The silence yelled at all who dared trespass among the dead. Overall, the room clearly did not welcome those who did not belong. In the middle of the room stood a lone asari by a computer, silently tending to the unfortunate who laid around her and who silently entrusted her to look after them. The position of a mortuary technician was not a cheerful occupation, but it is one that only a few were qualified to do. One such person must be able to handle the cadavers with care and due respect. It may not be pleasant, but it can be humbling.

The asari looked up from her console when she heard the door open and saw three humans walk in with two wearing Alliance uniform. She approached them before inquiring. "May I help you?"

"Someone informed the Alliance about an unidentified body that might be Commander Shepard's remains. We're here to verify the find." Somehow, Kaidan managed to maintain professionalism even though his heart is beating out of control at this point. He knew the others are dealing with the same thing, right now, and he can't blame them. They all know what's coming in the next few minutes. They're gonna find out if they found Shepard or not.

"Ah, yes. Please, follow me." The asari replied to Kaidan waving to the retrieval system on the right side of the large room. "What can you tell us about the body?" Kaidan was almost to afraid to ask.

"Initial autopsy shows third degree burns over 100% of the body, signs of physical trauma are evident all over, all bones have been shattered, the brain has been heavily damaged, all organs have been destroyed, and further trauma to the body is present due to vacuum exposure. Final deductions is that the body was caught in an explosion and spaced after being burned in a large fire. It was found floating in space just over Earth. I can give you the coroner's full report if you wish." The tech concluded and now Kaidan wished he never asked.

"Dear god..." Diana covered her mouth with her hand in surprise to hearing the state of the body.

"This is not gonna be pretty." Joker sighed as he clasped his hand behind his head.

The asari was sympathetic to them as she keyed the chamber housing the body in question. The platform positioned itself at a chamber high up near the ceiling and began collecting the slab the query was laid on. The platform came back down and deposited it's load at a collection station by the command console. The asari technician then loaded the deposited cargo onto a gurney, and then rolled it over to and examination table where a light hung to better illuminate the body for inspection.

Kaidan, Joker, and Diana gathered around the other side of the body from the tech, with one thought firmly in their minds.

This is it.

This is the moment when they are going to find out if the should keep searching for the missing commander or start helping Diana organize that wake she mentioned earlier.

The technician grabbed the release tab on the body bag before looking to the clearly distressed humans. "Ready?" She asked them.

"As we'll ever be." Kaidan returned with a huff of determination as the others prepared themselves for the gruesome reveal.

The asari nodded and slid the tab down before spreading the open mouth to the humans.

There it was.

Kaidan felt sick.

"Uh! God!" The shock in Joker's voice was clear as glass. Diana couldn't help but look away in utter disgust. Kaidan swallowed down his breakfast and stood fast at the horror laid before him. To say the body was a mess, mangled or wrecked was an understatement. It was obliterated to the nth degree. Completely charred black and misshapen. An arm and leg were missing. The remaining limbs were dislocated and the face doesn't look like one.

"Is that even human?" Allers managed to whisper in utter horror to the remains.

"I'm gonna throw chunks." Joker's voice came out strained; the discomfort evident.

Kaidan managed to stop staring at their Jane Doe long enough to start his medical scan. Doctor Chakwas had equipped him with a special scanner used to read DNA. She loaded it with Shepard's information and DNA data from her last examination before the end of the war. It will tell them if the body is the Commander or not.

The tension in the room was thick enough to choke a Yahg. All eyes were on Kaidan as he performed the scan. Joker can't stop fidgeting while Diana just watched and waited silently. Both were anxious. The asari tech watched with curiosity at the scene before her, unable to make sense of the humans anxiety to the situation.

The scanner beeped it's conclusion and everyone held their breaths as Kaidan brought up the results on his omnitool. He released an exhausted breath before shutting down his omnitool and turned to the others standing behind him.

"It's not Shepard." Kaidan sounded exhausted as he broke the news. Joker and Allers both released a heavy breath at it. Kaidan rubbed his temple with one hand as he began to feel traces of the inevitable migraine.

Silence fell on the group for a while, with nothing but the sounds of the technician resealing the body and taking it back into storage.

Diana was the first to break the silence. "So, what now?"

"I don't know. I...just...don't know." Kaidan struggled to come up with something, anything, to try and find Shepard, but exhaustion and an inevitable migraine refrained him from coming up with a plan.

"Shit. Let's just get out of this haunted house, already." Joker sounded frustrated. They all were.

They thanked the asari for her time and filed out of the room where Teranous was still waiting for them. He lead the posse through the same route they initially took and brought them back to Bailey. He did not look happy when they showed up looking as defeated as they felt.

"I'm afraid to ask but how did it go?" Bailey looked like he didn't want to know the answer. Kaidan wasn't in the mood to speak. Luckily, Allers spoke up before he had to.

"It wasn't Shepard." A note of sadness was present in her voice. Kaidan couldn't help but think that their discovery had hit her hard. It obviously hit Joker hard as well, because he was quiet the whole walk back.

"Miss Allers." Bailey nodded at Diana in greeting and acknowledgment of her statement before turning back to Kaidan and Joker. "So, it's another dead end?" All Kaidan managed was a nod of his own. "Damn. Guess I better get to work clearing out the reporters. I'm guessing you three aren't sticking around either."

"Yeah, we're done here." Joker replied this time. He too sounded defeated. "See ya, Bailey." They waved their goodbyes before heading towards the front door.

"Good luck out there." Bailey shouted back as the three friends left.

As they stepped out of the hospital, Allers turned to her acomplices. "I'm gonna head home, guys. It's been long day." With last goodbyes, she turned on her heel and left. The alliance officers walked back to their car in silence. There wasn't much to say, if anything. Once they were back inside the Blackout, they strapped in before Joker asked. "Back to the apartment?" He asked in a solemn voice. Kaidan just answered with a breathy "Yeah." while Joker started the car.

They drove back to Tiberius Towers in melancholic silence.

Two hearts screaming for a lost soul.

* * *

'You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead'

Step

'Why am I fighting to live, if I'm just living to fight'

Step

'Why am I trying to see, when there ain't nothing in sight'

Step

'Why am I trying to give, when no one gives me a try'

Step

'Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die'

Step

The beats play on as he takes another step. Contemplating the lyrics of a song that's more than 180 years old is something Alex can't help but do as he walks through the factory district of Zakera ward towards his current residence, especially when said song triggers memories from his arduous childhood.

Alex didn't have parents growing up. In fact, he didn't even have an existence when they found him abandoned as a baby. The orphanage that took him in found that he wasn't even a registered new born; he didn't have a birth certificate. He didn't even have a name. All they found on him was a note.

'PLEASE, HELP MY BABY...'

The small beanie on his head had the name Alexander stitched into it so that's why they named him Alex. 'Cross' was a play on the letter X that someone came up with. It was more of a joke that stuck. They called him 'baby X' on account that he didn't have a name.

Growing up, he always felt like he didn't belong with the other kids. Sure, they were nice, but he just felt out of place with them. Sure, would play with them and hang out, but they never really clicked with him; never were in sync. It made him feel alone.

This sense of misplacement that he felt was eating away at him; frustrating him. He always felt lonely. He spent years with that feeling, unable to find a way to deal with the building frustration. Years of being alone in a world he couldn't understand.

One day, at age 15, he had enough. He had to do something. His head was filled with questions he didn't have an answer for, and he knew he wouldn't find them here in Portland. It was on that fateful winter night where he made his move and began the journey that made him the man he is today.

As he walks through the factory district, today, Alex lets the music absorb him before losing himself in his memories...

* * *

( 12 YEARS AGO...)

The humming began to recede as Agnes returned to her room and turned in for the night. As soon as the door closed and he heard the lock engage, Alex released the breath he was holding and continued to search the the hall closet for the spare omnitool he knew Agnes kept there. With a quiet sigh of relief, he found it and proceeded to set up an account on it so that he could properly use it. Good thing Agnes didn't get around to adding a password, otherwise he would have been in big trouble. It's bad enough he's about to escape the orphanage, but to do it without at least an omnitool is just guaranteed trouble.

As soon as the 'tool was set, he headed to find the last thing he needed. This was going to be the most difficult to obtain. If his journey was never meant to be, he was going to get caught here. He needed money and the only place to get it was in the main office at the other end of the home. Alex took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He had never been this scared in his life, but if he wants to find the answers he's looking for, he's got to be brave. He took three more quick breaths before tiptoeing down the hall, all the while keeping his eyes and ears trained to his surroundings. Agnes may be asleep but Eddie the security guard was still prowling the premises. Everyone liked Eddie even though he was a little gruff. Surviving first contact can do that to a person, though. Being a trained recon scout, very little gets through him. Kids here have tried but none of them managed to sneak or hide around him. Everyone respected Eddie and his skills, even Alex. That's why he's gonna make an attempt at getting by him. He knows and respects his skills, and he's not underestimating him for a second, because if he does, then it's game over.

In the dim lighting, a cough echoed down the hall, and it was too close for comfort. Alex froze on the spot, his heart ramming against his ribcage. He closed his eyes and focused on his hearing; trying to pick out anything out of the ordinary. He listened patiently, for anything that might give Eddie away. The silence was freaking him out but he kept at it. The house was dead quiet.

Pop.

There. He heard it. It was so quiet, Alex almost didn't hear it. The distinct sound of a popped joint. He was just around the corner. That was not good. Eddie was almost on top of him. Alex's mind went into overdrive as he tried to come up with a plan to get around him. He looked around but couldn't find anything except a large curtain covering up one of the many large windows that litter the orphanage. He quietly went to it and peeked behind it. The window was recessed into the wall. The frame allowed for a person to stand on it but if Alex is going to do that, he needed to be smart. An idea came up in his head and he quickly pulled up his newly acquired omnitool. Alex was praying that this one came with a communication app. His heart soared when he found it, and within a split second he dialed in the house phone. Before he hit the CALL button he quietly slipped of his shoes before climbing onto the window frame as to not make a sound that could easily alert Eddie to his position. As soon as he was upright and the heavy curtain settled, Alex relaxed against the icy window to try and hide his presence as much as possible then hit call on his muted omnitool.

Far down the hall from the direction Alex came from, a subtle tone indicating an incoming call began beeping. Alex kept still as Eddie reacted to the sudden disturbance. His confused grunt gave him away as he took the bait. Alex wasn't out of the woods, yet, though. Now it was down to luck. Will Eddie notice him or will he be distracted enough to walk by him? Alex held his breath.

It wasn't until Eddie a good 20ft. from him that he was able to climb down from the frame and trotted silently in his socks around the corner Eddie came from. He quickly hung up the call before Eddie answered it before he sped up his pace toeards the main office. He saw it at the end of the next hall. He made a cold dash for it and didn't stop until he was at the door. He exhaled loudly the breath he'd been holding since hiding from Eddie. He took a moment to let the lightheadedness pass before he started looking for the key to the lock. He found it hidden behind the office sign. No sooner was he inside that he locked the door and dropped to the floor. With his back against the door, he took a moment to collect himself.

"Holy crap." He breathed out in relief. Alex couldn't believe it. He did it. He did what no one in this house managed to do. He sneaked past Eddie. He got past a trained ex-recon scout undetected. He let himself bask in his accomplishment for a few moments longer before he put his shoes back on and started digging around for some cash. He sat at the financial officers desk and fired up the console. Alex lucked out. Lynda forgot to log out of her account. He accessed the main account and found that the owner of the house, Mr. James C. Bennett, had deposited the monthly allowance into the account a few days ago. It still carried a lot of credits. Now, Alex needed a chit. Money is useless if you can't take it with you. He looked through the drawers and cabinets before finding a lock box. A quick shake told him that there were credit chits inside, but the box was password locked. He got back on the computer and started looking through files trying to find the password to the box.

After a solid ten minutes of searching, he gave up on the computer and went through the drawers again. He nearly gave up by the third before a small sliver of white caught his eye. He pulled out a small piece of paper that had a bunch of numbers written on it. "Wow. Didn't think you were one for the old-school, Lynda." He chuckled as he made his way back to the box. He began punching in the number sequence as he thought to him self 'If this was a movie, then this will unlock the box. The chances of that are the same as monkeys flying out of my...' His thought was interrupted by the sound of the lock box unlocking.

Alex quickly checked over himself to make sure that monkeys weren't going to come flying out of him, all of a sudden.

Inside the box, he found a bunch of unregistered credit chits. He quickly grabbed one and dove back behind Lynda's desk where he proceeded to register the chit and load it with enough credits to keep him going for a while. "Good thing Bennett pays generously. Sorry Lynda." Alex muttered to himself. As soon as he was done, logged off the console, put back the lock box, closed the drawers, left the room, locked the door and rammed the key back home behind the office sign. He checked the time. Eddie should be prowling the top floor by now, which means the ground floors are clear.

Alex made his way downstairs to the kitchen, where he found the duffel bag that he hid in the pantry. He already threw his clothes inside earlier in the day, so he focused on getting the food he would need as well as a spoon, fork, knife, can opener, and travel mug, just to be safe. He then went back to the foyer to grab one of the first aid kits hanging to one side of the room. A quick scan inside the bag showed he had enough space, so he made his way to the laundry room and grabbed a clean blanket.

That's it. That's everything he can think of. Satisfied, he went and stood in the middle of the Foyer and took a good hard look around. This was it. He was leaving this place. He lived here all his life. He knew everyone here. He honestly didn't want to leave, but he just didn't belong here. It was a feeling embedded in his very core. He has to if he wants to find a place he knew he belonged in. He needed to find himself; to find his purpose in life. Still, he was gonna miss this place. Maybe he'll come back and visit, one day.

It was late November when Alex stepped outside the orphanage that he called home for fifteen years. The streets of Portsmouth were blanketed in snow. He wished he was patient enough to wait until spring. Alex walked up to the edge of the sidewalk where he turned around and looked at the beautiful house that was home to a lot of children who were unfortunate enough to not have parents. The James C. Bennett orphanage was at it's best looking during the winter. The white, concrete walls blended quite nicely with the snow while the black roof and red doors add a nice contrast to it. It really was gorgeous.

With a Sigh of disappointment Alex turned around and faced the night, as well as the world. He took in a deep breath before releasing it as a visible cloud in front of him. Laid ahead of him was a journey. A journey to find his place in the world. A journey to the rest of his life. Alex was scared. He never did this before. He was also scared of what he might find out there. He has to be brave, though. He can't turn back, now, otherwise he'll never find what he is looking for.

He took a step. This was it. The point of no return. Alex was officially leaving. He took another step and began to walk.

With nothing but the sound of his erratic heartbeat to sustain him, Alex walked off into the night.

Next stop: Seattle, Washington...

* * *

Alex's trip down memory lane came to an end as he looked at his omnitool. His little trip back in time lasted for four songs. He replayed the last song after the one he listened to before the flash back. An happy-go-lucky rock piece from a hundred years ago. A thought crossed his mind and he couldn't help but laugh at himself. "Guess Lynda isn't the only one with a taste for the old-school."

He finally reached his apartment as the third song came to a conclusion. He unlocked the door and went inside, then made his way upstairs. He tossed his stash onto the end table by his bed, before changing out of his current outfit and heading into the shower. While the hot water poured over him he contemplated his little flashback.

He hadn't thought about that night in years. That night was the night his life truly began. Sure, it was hard going from the start but he knew what he was getting into back then. Despite that, he still went at it. Looking back now, Alex can honestly say that he did not regret his decision to leave all those years ago. He did, however, regret some of the choices he made during those years.

He got out of the shower and dried himself off, before putting on a pair of sweat pants and a shirt and heading back into the main room. The room was his living room, bedroom and kitchen combined into one, like a bungalow. The difference between this apartment and a bungalow is that the floor also held a balcony as wide as the building that overlooks the ground floor. The ground floor, in fact, the whole building was a small storage house, before it was abandoned. It was put up for sale at a cheap price and Alex bought it and turned it into the residence it is today.

Alex felt tired, even though it was still afternoon. He fell onto his bed just to rest.

He ended up falling asleep without taking his pre-bedtime "prescriptions".

The dream he had was especially intense. He did not sleep soundly.

He never does.


	4. False awakenings

**A/N: Sorry it took so freakin' long to post this chapter. It just didn't want to come out right. But don't worry, 'cause I got it done, and I don't plan on making a habit of this. Enjoy and please don't forget to favorite and review.**

* * *

**FALSE AWAKENINGS**

...NEURAL SIGNAL DETECTED.

...WARNING. ANOMALY DETECTED WITHIN ISOLATION NETWORK.

...SCANNING...SCAN COMPLETE.

...FLUCTUATIONS WITHIN ISOLATION NETWORK IDENTICAL TO PREVIOUS INSTANCES. DIRECT RESULT OF INCOMING SIGNAL.

...SCANNING SIGNAL...SCAN COMPLETE.

...SIGNAL SOURCE COULD NOT BE TRIANGULATED. SCANS INDICATE SIGNAL BARES SIMILAR SIGNATURE TO ANOMALY PRESENT WITHIN ISOLATION NETWORK. SIGNAL AND NETWORK INTEGRATION ATTEMPT DETECTED. SIGNAL BARES ORGANIC SIGNATURE.

...REATTEMPTING TRIANGULATION OF SIGNAL SOURCE.

...TRIANGULATION ATTEMPT FAILED. SIGNAL STRENGTH INSUFFICIANT.

...NEURAL SIGNAL CONTINUING TO ATTEMPT INTEGRATION WITH ISOLATION NETWORK REGARDLESS OF STRENGTH.

...ATTEMPTING COMMUNICATION WITH SIGNAL SOURCE.

* * *

_Gotta keep moving, gotta keep moving..._

His heartbeat was frantic. His head was throbbing. Gunfire continued to rain down on him as he dove behind a busted wall. Reapers were everywhere. He can barely breath. The smell of dust, ash and death was choking him.

Alex felt himself shift as he jumped out of cover. He panicked wondering what the hell he was doing but his body seemed unfazed as it brought up his rifle and mowed through two husks and a cannibal. Before he knew it, he was back behind cover. His head still hurt as he tries to figure out what the hell is going on. He knew he was in London, but nothing was familiar. A sudden spike of pain drew him out of his thoughts. A shot came through the concrete barrier he was hiding behind and smacked him in the arm. Luckily, his armor and shields kept him safe. He felt himself shift. He tried to move his head but his body isn't responding. '_What the Hell!? Am I in shock!?' _He felt like a puppet. His body is moving as if controlled by a puppeteer.

Alex stood out of cover and saw the reason why he shifted. He, or rather his body had swapped weapons. Gone was the assault rifle and in its place was a sniper. As he stood out in the open, he started panicking again. He felt too vulnerable standing in the middle of a battle field with no control over his own body. He wants to run, hide, pull out his blade, cloak...anything to reassure himself; to not feel like a sitting duck. He could feel his heart beating to a machine-gun rhythm. The offending Marauder was already trying to lock in on him. Alex felt completely numb. As if sensing his fear, the sniper rifle came up between him and the marauder like a guard dog and then barked out a round the marauder couldn't avoid. It's head was gone in an instant.

_'Why am I never myself in my own mind? I think I got a migraine...'_

His body turned around and he saw a couple of cannibals get launched into a wall in a swath of blue energy and yet another marauder get it's head blown off by another sniper rifle. The sources: A human and a turian.

The two soldiers met up with him in the middle of the now empty streets.

_'Hold on. Where's everybody else?'_

The immediate area was completely deserted. Not a single Mako, Krogan, or foot soldier in sight and that deeply unsettled him. If this is the march to the beam then there should be a massive convoy. His head throbbed and he subconsciously lifted one hand to his head before realizing he had control of his (or rather this soldier's) body. The sense of relief was a welcome sensation for him.

Alex tried to focus on the two soldiers standing before him but something was wrong. He couldn't see them clearly. '_What the hell...'_ They were blurred out; or rather his vision was blurred. When he turns and looks around, though, his vision was crystal clear, but would blur out every time he turned back to face them.

They were talking to him now but Alex can't understand them. It's like he was losing his hearing. Everything they were saying was muffled beyond any coherence. That combined with the fact he can't see them clearly and the firefight he had just experienced caused his headache to peak. The sudden pain felt excruciatingly bad and he winced as he grabbed his temples with both hands and fell to his knees. He closed his eyes and begged for the pain to stop.

When it finally receded and he was able to open his eyes, he was thrown for a loop. He stood up to find himself in what looked to him like a destroyed office building.

_'What a mess...'_

He suddenly felt himself move and roll behind a short wall. _Oh, not again. _His body began to move by it's self again and Alex was hating it. His two compatriots joined him but this time the turian was gone and in his place was another human. Gunfire erupted as dust began to shower him. '_Damn it, that is too close!'_ The gunfire was relentless. There were so many of them that there was no opening for them to return fire. They were trapped. '_SHIT, WE NEED HELP!'_ The noise of gunfire was deafening. Cannibals roared and marauders cried for their death. Alex felt his body cover his ears from the endless symphony of war, though no amount of ear protection could block out the sound that erupted next. A sound that cut through the cacaphony of reaper onslought and what can only be certain death. All of a sudden the noise of gunfire and cannibals seems quite compared to the cry of the creature that just joined the battle.

_'No...nonononononononono, please god, no. Not that. Anything but that..._'

Alex begged for control of his body. He wanted to run. Fast. He wanted to take his chances with the endless onslaught from over the wall. No. he didn't want any of that. What he really wanted was to wake up. He wanted this nightmare to end. He didn't want to face the one thing that scared him more than anything in the known galaxy. '_Dear god, please don't let me face it.'_ The screeching wail of the incoming creature ripped through the air as well as his dwindling nerves. '_Please, don't let me face the banshee.' _It was getting closer. He can hear it stalking closer from over Alex's cover. He then remembered the other two.

They were no where in site.

'_What!? Where...!?'_ A biotic blast rips through the small wall and sens him flying forward. Alex hits the ground but his body doesn't make move. He panics as he just lies there, trapped. The gunfire stops for the first time and silence falls on the area. The only sound was the slow, stalking footsteps of the banshee as it approached his motionless body. '_Run...'_ Step. '_Run!'_ It was standing by him, now. '_RUN!'_ It yelled it's death cry. '_FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!'_

Relief flooded his veins as he felt himself move. He felt his body respond to his will; obey his commands.

He had control, again.

Alex rolled to the side at the last minute as the Banshee's claw came down and impaled the section of floor he had just vacated. He scrambled for dear life back to his feet and ran. He ran faster than he ever thought he could, feeling lighter on his feet than he ever did. He had no clue where he was going. No idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he had to do something to get rid of his pursuer. He had to wake up.

Alex wasn't paying attention to where he was going and ended up crashing into something big and metallic and falling back on the gruond. He regained his focus and saw that he ran into a destroyed Kodiak shuttle. He quickly looked back and saw the banshee using biotic jumps to close the distance quickly. He moved to stand but stopped when he felt his hand bump into something on the floor. He looked down only to find his salvation, and it came with a yellow finish and a warning label.

Still on the ground, Alex turned around so he was sitting facing the incoming reaper abomination. It was flaring and was practically on top of him. His desperation to end this torture took hold as he hefted the weapon in both hands, aimed it at the Banshee in front of him and pulled the trigger.

Everything went white. Everything disappeared and there was nothing but complete and utter silence save for a light ringing in Alex's ears. It was like pulling the trigger had overloaded and crashed the dream. Alex couldn't help but revel in the peace and quiet of this empty place.

His moment of R&amp;R didn't last, though, as he heard a faint echo reverberate in the oblivion. He looked around only to find nothing. He wasn't even sure he was looking around. The echo came again but it was still too quiet to make out what it's saying. he suddenly felt himself shudder and quickly turned around.

A figure stood some distance away, hard to see from where he stood. Alex found himself walking towards the mysterious figure. He didn't know why but he felt attracted to it. He keeps hearing the echo after random intervals. As he started getting closer, it started getting clearer.

"-o-re y-"

_What the hell is it saying?_ He was close now. He can start making out the lone figure standing ahead of him. Human for sure and a female as well, but why was she blue? He heard the echo a few more times as he got closer, until he could finally hear it loud and clear.

"Who are you..."

Alex couldn't help but notice that the echo wasn't coming from the body at all. _What the hell?_

That's when his vision flashed and his head exploded in pain unlike anything he ever felt. He suddenly lost all coherent thought. He couldn't think at all. The pain was so severe, he was begging for the pain to stop as he keeled over, but it didn't stop. It didn't relent.

It gained severity.

It was getting worse.

He couldn't help it.

Alex started screaming.

* * *

...COMMUNICATION SIGNAL LOST.

...ATTEMPTING REESTABLISHMENT. RE-ESTABLISHMENT FAILED.

...ATTEMPTING TRIANGULATION. TRIANGULATION FAILED.

...ANALYZING RECOVERED DATA. ANALYSIS COMPLETE.

...UNDERSTANDING LIMITED DUE TO UNIQUE NATURE OF SIGNAL. FLUCTUATIONS WITHIN ISOLATION NETWORK CONFIRMED TO BE CAUSED BY UNKNOWN NEURAL SIGNAL. DATA OF ANOMALY WITHIN ISOLATION NETWORK ALSO LIMITED. LACK OF DIGITAL SIGNITURE CONFIRMED. ORIGIN STILL NOT CONFIRMED. HYPOTHESIS UNAVAILABLE. NEURAL SIGNITURE DETECTED WITHIN STATION.

...PREPARING SYSTEMS FOR NEXT ANTICIPATED INSTANCE OF NEURAL SIGNAL.

* * *

Alex woke up in shock as he finally found himself back in reality. He felt light headed and the world was spinning as he climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. His whole body was convulsing. He couldn't even think straight let alone walk straight. He stumbled into the bathroom and immediately began throwing up into the toilet with a violent retch. After he got his heaving stomach under control, he crawled on his hands and knees towards the shower. He ran the hot water and just sat underneath the shower head in his clothes, letting the hot water calm his nerves.

Alex had no idea what happened. All he knew is that he just experienced his most intense dream yet. Who or what was that obscure figure at the end? Why were they asking who he was? He dropped his head into his hand and instantly went still. His shirt had a huge bloodstain on it. He touched a finger to just under his nose and it came away with even more blood.

_'Crap, how serious did it get?'_

He just tilted his head back and leaned against the wall, letting the water deal with his nosebleed. It was the least of his worries.

After the bleeding stopped and he recovered most of his strength and composure, Alex sat down on his couch in dry clothes, rolled up some of his newly acquired 'good', cranked up the ventilation, and lit the joint. The first drag washed over his head like a gentle wave, easily countering his ever present headache. The second drag calmed down what was left of his nerves. By the third, he was relaxed and could finally think.

He contemplated the dream, or what he can remember of it. He never really was able to recall any of his dreams. He knows that he's not himself. That much he figured out. The million credit question is why his mind turns him into someone else? Then there's the two million credit question. What's the point behind these nightmares? He had them everyday since the end of the war; when the crucible fired and that blue energy field washed over him. Alex deduced early on that the dreams probably had nothing to do with that energy field because no one else, human or alien, was affected by it and on top of that, he was showing all the signs of PTSD just like so many other soldiers. He wasn't the only one having constant bad dreams neither, but apparently he is the only one who's dreams were consistent to a precise degree, according to Dr. Torres.

That last part had Alex worried. He tried to rationalize it by saying that it was the trauma from the war. He kept telling himself it's because of the overall time he spent over enemy lines, and he soon started believing it. Despite that, he can't help the rebellious thought that keeps creeping into his mind.

Was it really because of the war? Or was it something else?

Frankly, it scared him to consider other possibilities. All Alex wanted was to move on with his life and leave the war in his rear view. Unfortunately for him, even with the mass relays operational again, and the galaxy's rebuilding, there are so many reminders of those horrible few months everywhere he went, it will take a long time before they were wiped away, and even then, not all of them will be.

With a sigh of defeat he looked down at the joint in between his fingers.

"Seven years of sobriety. Huh. I owe Marty five hundred credits."

Seven years ago, Alex Gave up a bad habit of smoking contraband when he joined the Alliance. His problem started five years prior when he moved to Seattle at fifteen. He spent a month surviving on the streets before he ended up as a drug mule for some local thugs who tested him by having him smoke some strong weed. Needless to say, that first puff left it's mark. It also didn't help that whenever he gets paid for a successful delivery, he gets a small bag of herbal along with the credits. At first, he tried to fight it, but at fifteen, the influence was to strong. Soon after, he'd stopped fighting it and instead, he embraced it. He found out how much more tolerable his new life back then would be because of it. Alex ended up a heavyweight by the time he was seventeen and anyone who knew him knew it. He could smoke with the best of them.

Back then, it was part of his street persona. However, now's for the sake of his mental health. Alex is pretty sure that if he can't find a fix for these dreams of his, he might just go crazy. Lord knows he doesn't want that.

Alex checked the time on his omnitool. It was late afternoon. It was still morning when he left Dr. Torres' office earlier so to see that it was late afternoon came as a bit of a surprise.

"Not like I got anything better to do..." He muttered to himself as he finished his joint. It really was a weak batch compared to what he usually had back in Seattle, but it did the trick. He sighed as he decided to check the news for the latest.

He powered up the screen opposite from where he was sitting and started flicking through his usual selection of news sites. One article caught his interest when he opened up ANN.

'SHEPARD SEARCH CALLED OFF. MEMORIAL SERVICE PLANNED.'

Curiosity piqued, he opened it up.

' The Alliance has announced that they are calling off the three month long galactic search for Commander Shepard. According to an Alliance spokesman, after three months, they simply cannot maintain that the legendary war hero could still be alive. "Shepard was severely injured when she last made contact. There is simply no logical way for the Commander to survive for this long in such a state without medical aid. "It is with great regret that we are forced to end the search for the galaxy's illustrious hero." A public memorial service has been planned within the next five day cycles. The council as well as high ranking officials from the human, turian, asari, salarian, krogan, quarian, and volus governments will be attending the memorial in honor of the esteemed spectre as well as posthumously awarding her for all she has done.'

"Well ain't that a kick in the head." Alex said to no one in particular. That's gonna be a blow to everyone's moral. They were right, though. No human could survive long in an injured state without medical help. Medigel can only do so much. Alex shut down his screen and stood up from the couch, grabbing his bag of 'green peace' as he did. He shoved the small bag into his end table drawer then walked over to the railing overlooking the rest of his home. '_Who would have thought? The Great Commander Shepard, gone. Just like that._ Alex let that thought sink in. _Damn shame. I kind of wanted to meet the woman who saved all our collective asses.'_ Alex had heard so much of the amazing commander. He had heard of her exploits during his time. She was an inspiration to many soldiers. He felt sorry for her when he heard about Akuze. After her first disappearance four years ago, he was among those who were against the smear job both the Alliance and the Council pulled on her. He wouldn't say he's an avid follower but he is a fan, and he would give her the respect he knew she was due.

Now She was gone. She fulfilled her purpose in life, as it would seem, and now fate decided it was done with her.

Fate can be cruel.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the message town in his omni'tool. Flicking the message screen open, he sees it's a general message from Alliance command.

' From: Alliance Command

To: Lt. Cdr. Alex Cross

Subject: Attention Alliance personnel

If you have received this message, then you have been selected to be among a special guard during the Shepard Memorial Event taking place in three days time. Event information had been attached to this message for you to inspect. You are to arrive tomorrow in official armor as dictated by rank at 0800 to prepare for the event. Location included in the attachment.

Alliance Command.'

'_Damn, if it wasn't official before, then it is now.'_

Alex closed down the message before taking a deep breath. His armor needed some work before it could be presentable. He walked downstairs to his armor locker and began pulling out the pieces that constituted the whole ensemble. He laid each piece down in order onto his work bench before retrieving the armor repair kit plus some spare parts and tools. He went to work fixing the chest plate; pulling out dents and welding cracks.

As he worked, he began wondering. About the event, about Shepard, about people's reaction to all this. He even wondered about Shepard's crew. Alex heard about Commander Shepard's friendly nature and kind heart. He also heard of what a tight knit group she and her crew were. They're probably taking it the hardest.

Alex chuckled at himself as he realized how deep in thought he was. His mind always wanders off when ever he find's himself in or doing something boring or tedious. Fixing his armor counted as tedious.

By now, Alex finished fixing and re-finishing the chest piece. All that was left for it was to reapply his rank on the right breast.

After that was done, he picked up the armor piece and took a look at it. It was gleaming in black with the insignia showing proudly.

'_Not bad...'_

He placed it to one side, taking one last look at it before going to work on the other pieces.

He couldn't help the sense of pride he always feels whenever he sees the N7 emblem on his armor.

It was well earned...


	5. Message to the audiance

Hey there,

For those who actually showed intrest in System Shock, the story will be undergoing a FULL rewrite. Everything written so far is nulled and will be reuploaded. The story wasn't coming out right and it wasn't meeting my expectations. So the rewrite is necessary. I promise you I will do a better job this time around, so bare with me on this.

Signed,

Freethinker037


End file.
